On my bookshelf — The Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak

Forty pages into the book and I found myself putting a bookmark and a pencil in two different places because I wanted to skip the chapter jumps to read the book at my own pace. If there is one learning I can take away from it, one that is the underlining thought as you read on— ‘It is not up to us to check the actions of others, just like no one should be concerned with the choices we make.’

A work of art spun in Shafak’s tapestry of words, The Forty Rules of Love is a book you can pick up at any point in your life and still have something to take away with you. It touches your soul and warms your heart in the strangest of ways, pushing you to look within and around you with introspection.

The notion of paradise is an illusion, much like the crafted cramped tales of hell. One should dive into the deep waters of life and live it, without any regrets or any remorse. And most of all, when you find true love, the kind that is not romanticised in novels but the kind that grounds you while sending a spin through the insides of your body — never leave.

Here’s a compilation of a few hidden gems, carefully planted in her writing:

1. How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind mostly fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame welled inside us. If we see God as full of love and compassion, so are we.
2. Don't ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obsolete.
3. It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all that he has been denied.
4. Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of the process.
5. For a new Self to be born, hardship is necessary. Just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain.
6. True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the light of God pass through them. Don’t confuse power-driven, self-centered people with true mentors.
7. Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?
8. It is easy to love a perfect God, unblemished and infallible that He is. What is far more difficult is to love fellow human beings with all their imperfections and defects.
9. Real filth is the one inside. The rest simply washes off. You can purify your body through abstinence and fasting, but only love will purify your heart.
10. If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved.
11. Time is an illusion. What you need is to live this very moment. That is all that matters.
12. Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That’s the hardest part and that’s what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything you do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Do not go with the flow. Be the flow.
13. No two people are alike. No two hearts beat to the same rhythm. If God had wanted everyone to be the same, He would have made it so. Therefore, disrespecting differences and imposing your thoughts on others is tantamount to disrespecting God’s holy scheme.
14. In this life stay away from all kinds of extremities, for they will destroy your inner balance.
15. All religious wars are in essence linguistic problems. People often misunderstand and misjudge one another in a world that is beset with mistranslations. In general, one should not be too rigid about anything because ‘to live means to constantly shift colours’.
16. Hell is in the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present inside this very moment. Every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy , or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell.
17. Do not gossip behind anyone’s back — not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish but are perpetually stored in infinite space, and they will come back to us in due time.
18. Your destiny is the level where you will play your tune. You might not change your instrument but how well to play is entirely in your hands.
19. True power resides in submission — a power that comes from within. Those who submit to the divine essence of life will live in unperturbed tranquility and peace even when the whole wide world goes through turbulence after turbulence.
20. Neither a drop of kindness nor a speck of evil will remain unreciprocated.
21. God is a meticulous clockmaker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die.
22. Even if a single day in your life is the same as the day before, it surely is a pity.
23. A life without love is of no account. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul on fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.